This New Year... This New Beginning

Happy 2012

This is a brand new year... 
the world celebrates and we all get a new start. We make new years resolutions with expected success and are often disillusioned  by February. No matter how disciplined we are, we have honed habits that are sometimes too hard to change and then we are doomed for self condemnation.   And if you happen to be like me, discipline is just not in my make up. So before I even start I fail. Oh, I strive for discipline... focus... routine...

but if you know me, you are laughing right now.

This year, (if you have read my prior post) has been anything but disciplined and for the last few months I have been struggling with myself.
 On discipline. 

I tend to be hard on myself. I am better now that I am older but self condemnation and guilt comes and creeps into my thoughts too easily. I have to keep guard and even then it sometimes rules my actions.
 Did you know that any condemnation is not of God for those that love Him? Romans 8:1

I like to move... I do not like to sit. That song from Madagascar is in my head... 
I like to move it, move it, move it.
 I like a good project, I like to put as many irons in the fire as I can fit and then juggle a few more in the air. Now, I do not do this intentionally but it just seems to be my lifestyle. 

I keep saying I am going to slow down and I do at times, usually when I am too tired to move or stressed. Stress is one of those foxes that rob... stress and worry is just plain lack of faith.  Stress and worry is the opposite of faith. Think about it. It is not only not trusting God that He will do what He says, it is hard on the body. It robs you of good health. When that occurs it is usually because of one thing. Me, not spending enough time with the Lord. Faith comes from hearing the word of God.

 And that brings me to what I have been struggling with. Just sitting and reading the word. At least that is how I think it "should be" now I have many many "shoulds". 
 I should be up in the attic praying... I should have a set time for scripture... I should start the day off by sitting and reading the bible instead of checking my email. I should have a certain day to do my laundry... I should cook more...  I should spend my time more wisely... 

Just like all those lists of  New Years Resolutions 

that are being made out this very minute.

Ok, you get the picture. When I don't do my "shoulds" after a time, a stubborn door slams shut in my brain and I rebel. It is self propelled, I now have no control at this point and I am struggling with a whole new problem. My rebellion. 

Rebellion turns into running... running away from God, running away from the problem. In my case I will have a million things to do so I won't do the thing I am struggling with.

For those of you who are new to my blog... I bare my soul now and then, but please bare with me.

Of course, during this time I always have an on going conversation with the Lord... sometimes it gets real needy. It goes something like this, "Ok, I am doing my best here...I just can't do it, you are going to have to do it. You do it Lord, I give it to you."

But all the while "I" am struggling with it.

The Lord is so good, because He will sit back let you chase your tail for only so long, usually until you get so tired, you now have to sit still and listen. Although in my case he talks to me on the go. 

This morning I had a revelation, 
not a new one or at least one that I hadn't heard before, I had head knowledge of it. You see when you go through times of struggle you are actually bringing what you know in your head and planting it into your heart. Once your heart gets a hold of it,  you will have peace.

This morning my heart heard

There is now no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus.

Now, I have read the eighth chapter of Romans a hundred times and know it. This morning , the Lord showed me it wasn't the thing I wasn't doing that was hurting me, it was the "shoulds" or the self condemnation. If God doesn't condemn me then who am I to. The self loathing does not come from God. 
God waits for me and kisses my cheek and tells me I am his. He doesn't give us once a year to become new again, as the world tells us. 

He gives us every morning.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning.
Lamentations 3:22 

Every day is just like New Years Day... according to our creator.
Every morning is a clean slate.
Every morning there are new mercies to cover the "Shoulds" the falling short of what I think I should be or do.

So today this New Year day - this New Morning day,

I give you God's steadfast love - mercies and...

And my love.
Thank you for a year of friendship, inspiration, encouragement and support. 

Happy New Beginnings

Rebecca